I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
