I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
