I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
