Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
