Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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