yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
