the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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