Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
