I bet he comes in French.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
