so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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