spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
