so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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