bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
