I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
