i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
