Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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