Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
