pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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