i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
