I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
