I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
