you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is my gift to your gina
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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