everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
