Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
