By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
