Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
