Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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