I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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