I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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