I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
