OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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