my phone needs a breathalizer
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
