how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
