let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
