I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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