So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
