I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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