Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
