No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
