i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
