There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
