I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Randomize
