May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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