do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
