two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
