Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
