I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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