we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
