He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Welp...herpes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
