watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
