I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
