y did u give ur computer a hand job?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
