i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
