someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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