That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
