The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
